What happens when you visit a Russian family

The visit has a shape. Shoes off in the hallway, slippers on, a bag of something you brought handed over with mild protest from the host. Then the kitchen, then tea, then food that was described on the phone as 'nothing special' and turns out to be four dishes.

Refusing food is the part visitors get wrong. A first refusal is usually read as politeness rather than as an answer, so the plate comes back. Saying you are full is not a stop signal; saying it was excellent and that you will take some home is closer to one. If there is alcohol, toasts are made in turn and each has a subject — nobody drinks silently, and nobody is required to keep pace.

The conversation goes somewhere direct quickly. Salaries, prices, politics, health, what things cost where you come from — questions that read as intrusive in Britain or the US are normal here and are not a test. Answering plainly is the expected move, and disagreement is not treated as rudeness.

Leaving takes a while: you will be fed again on the way out, given something to take with you, and walked to the door, the lift, or the metro. The visit usually runs an hour longer than you planned.